Wilderness.

Let me be, let me go far away from your expectations,
only to dismantle your beliefs about me.
From accusations to assumptions that have made my eyes run red.
and comments to labels that has made me lose my breath.
Wondering where i went wrong, or where i went right to myself.
to hurt you so bad to see me change, or be indifferent
as you would not have liked me to be.
When I was thirteen and i was smiling,
with just enough laughter, not to go out of hand or your lines.
When I vandalised what you planned for me,
only to be coarse with my words.
Yet i wrote so peacefully,
so why would you change on me?

Let me break, fall apart and still trust to fall back into your arms,
you don't have to earn this,
I'm always a piece of you, even if I am not in reality.
like the morning sun i barely see,
but the moon i'll always love beyond ocean depths and hurricane heights.
So bewildered upon the choices i make and break,
my own rules and my own mistakes.
Fighting every fibre of my being to just be atleast a glimpse of your dreams,
maybe i fought way to hard on a fleeting emotion.
Clutching my thoughts so tight as to my sleep vanishing.
Nights where i realised heroes were also lonely warriors at sea,
like the ground we bury ourselves in,
we bury our hearts sometimes way too young.

The beauty still remains in these,
for you find such a love where you fight,
even when you hurt so bad.
Yet you cannot help but feel so good, less proud some days to begin with,
but always willing to give your life up for those.
The fragility of our ribs as cages we often miss,
and sometimes this is why we let our hearts break a little too much.

Home.

And i could swear over my drowning breaths,
that i saw you glance over my ice cold lips.
You, the hands that have held my warmth.
and caressed the edges just the same as my curves.
I could find faults in the spaces between our fingers,
what good would it be? I'd still talk about you as an epitome,
the one that made me laugh and shiver.
Like sea blue water that turns red,
deep inside my fathomable flesh. Cores that turned into craters,
Moulded by your feverish touch and then with love.

Home, come home to me.
where daisies and lilies are not in vases,
And all we would ever need is simple silence in between chaos.
Like the anarchist i am and the solitude you have bred in.
I'll dissolve inside myself and be a whole fragment,
another version. You and me, we would be free.
But even then we would get lost during days,
only to find comfort in the nights where would lie still.
And you would doubt the same thing as me,
or maybe it's just my assuming playing with my reality.

Whatever it may be,
we'd go places and we'd still come back to the very first four walls.
In which i became yours and you were always mine,
like our souls had finally found the empty exits,
only to travel into each others.
And maybe that's how destiny works.
For I was with you the whole time,
and I never really knew you were mine.
Crepes and rainbows, we don't go together as per the world.
and what we didn't know was that we were our own worlds.

Only this time,
we weren't worlds apart.
From here on and forever.

Ocean.

It was green, i promise it was.
But it's blue now and I'm lilac,
With a hint of your rusted gold on my blistered edges.
Blades don't cut as deep as the love you envy.
It was sin and it was heaven's home.
I'm colder than this ocean, and
You are shallow than these empty corridors.
I won't compare you and me,
We are same but I am indifferent to begin with.

Now you are yellow,
And I'm fading. Creating space in your absence.
Like those freckles in your eyes did for the art.
I'd be your muse until you have to leave this home, yet
This was more like an escape from safe shores.
Where our phasing emotions fluttered so we could survive.
Plain cold dinner left untouched,
Houses made out of compromise.
Blood that was dripping from walls.

Nightmares that were believed to be dreams,
That could've been true.
How fragile can hopes be?
How do you vandalise the love you need?
If questions are left in bathtubs
And sincerity down the drains,
Would you still clutch my brain, in thoughts that play games.
Like fleeting moments that rule me,
I'd be an utter anarchy.
Why do we strive and starve for empathy?
Isn't falling in love a metaphor?
Because I know, everything that falls breaks,
And broken pieces can shatter too. 

Velvet sins.

I've known you for less than countable,
And more than oblivious timings.
So you've got something on me because i don't usually lie in between these.
And my heart doesn't usually burn, it aches but now its different.
Somehow you cannot fathom my reasons but understand my love.
Here in between lies and lines.
Promises and faults, i guess we have found incompetence to be alive.
Like melting wax on her diamond finger.
Ethereal dreams are so beautiful to break and mend.

Love being indifferent and scars being caressed,
Sanctums and pilgrimages turned to destinations for material.
We've come a long way destroying what we hold so close even when it burns.
Can you not see how meaningful your breath is in this hurricane?
When your embrace is all i need and your velvet sins are long forgotten.

Where i lie peacefully and i do not hesitate to fall in depths and drown.
Where i know i can break for the better and the rain doesn't make me sicker.
When humans are just not mere objects,
And feelings are not words on pages.
I will fall in love with your velvet sins,
But don't expect my skin to be soft on your fingersn

Crown.

touch my own skin, feel the indifference in these craters.
cold blooded dreams and warm nights,
diamonds in her teeth, sinking into the vulnerable mess of his kingdom.
serene death and awakening in a crown, she is the sight to behold
in these empty oceans.
sand in between her fingers, she has buried herself,
and him alive.
the stars witness her dying with every gem in her crown between his collar.
creases on her old skin because her stories are unfolding,
bullets on every wall, every withering flower looks to her soul,
why is it evergreen? is it love?

he remembers her soft hair on her cheeks,
flowing in the wind, the rain in which they soaked, smiled.
with his hands on her  curves  edges and her grin. it haunted him every lonely night like every lover does.
but it hurts so good, shallow hearts can drown too.
she vanished too soon, yet she is here in his silent dreams.
too good to be told. her crown burning his pride, his throne, her memory.
green, amber, gold, silver and then comes blue.
dark, deeper, heavier, breathing in her everlasting mystery of these unknown kingdoms.

she was kind, when things were complicated,
blood on her rusted knife, devil in her house.
cards that never saw the deal.
ironically sarcastic, satire of making one of them.
yet love them,
can love destroy more than war?
everyone's pretty , when you are losing everything,
you should see her walk in her crown.
silence is her favourite echo.
there you go, an elude from ordinary.
crowns don't only belong to queens and kings,
but warriors too.

Lover.

Mother,

I’m sorry you won’t get to see me in my red saree.

Father,

I’m sorry you won’t get to see me graduate from the prestigious college.

Sister,

I’m sorry I never told you about my thoughts.

Myself,

I’m sorry I didn’t stop when I was hurting.

Future,

I always wanted you in green.

Past,

I did not want to succumb to this part anymore.

I don’t know why, 

I. You.

I don’t know what I should I tell you.

Whether I should cry.

Speak my mind?

Or just listen with a butchered heart.

Sorry I make my words so black.

Purple is my favorite color.

I don have anything in them.

Stranger,

We have become friends now.

I’ll confide in you for today.

Family,

Please don’t think of me different.

Every thing you think of me is not me in any grail of my skin.

Home,

It’s the streets that make me happy now.

Different.

Lover, Myself

I do not know why I hurt you.

I do not know why I lied to you,

Should have walked out when they asked me to.

Should have broken my bones when they kicked me off the bed.

Cold needles,

Green paper dress,

I remember the blood on my chest.

Do you?

You said forget leave it.

You said that it’s over.

It wasn’t.

It hasn’t.

Now it will.

Should have stayed.

Should have been different.

Strangers.

take me home,

maybe i'll fall in love with it again.

maybe i'll see past myself and my drained thoughts this time,

maybe i did so before,

i'll try harder, this time, i promise.

take me to the same places we laughed in.

don't take me to the walls where i confined myself and my sorrows in.

lock the room in which you criticised my poems.

i do not want to cry anymore.

maybe something is broken in me.

my skin has never been touched.

I've pushed away the soul that loved me.

i saw myself around people that loved me,

they claimed i never loved them.

i did nothing to prove them wrong either.

i was tired.

i was tired, tired of being tired.

tired of percentages,

of words, of tears that never were seen.

of the laughter fleeting, paining.

i'm sorry,

sorry, you don't get to know what i feel.

i'm sorry.

am i?

sorry?

lights, in your fingertips.

you knew how to kill someone and shatter their body,

leave them on the floor,

and then love them than the minute before.

do you love me that way?

if this is love i do not want it.

are we together anymore?

are we happy?

my words protrude beyond sensible pain.

you do not understand me in this version.

every heart holds light and darkness.

my sins are not your needles.

being prolific of another last time.

we are not lovers.

we are strangers different.

always loved.

love,

someone you knew.