Ripped.

And I want to know what drink makes you happy,

How many pills you need to forget my name.

Or what song makes you want to love me,

Just to let go of it tomorrow.

Tonight we are ripped off of our luxuries,

We’re left sober and we don’t know why we are high.

Skipped breakfast to feel a little more alive,

Until we hurt our ribs as they tear our flesh apart.

It’s anorexic when we show our bones, shine through this skin,

But dramatic when we show feelings?

Darling, be real.

If you are ripped, you are a masterpiece on the run,

Ironically beautiful at the broken places, stronger than the stitches.

That little girl in the bathroom sink,

With bloodshot eyes and a frail smile.

Like constellations made mundane, how she was brave enough to be quiet.

Just to not hurt the ones she loves the most,

Like an undone story. Love, love her.

Love me. Like her fine hair,

All tangled and falling on her shoulder. Blinding the sun from her eyes.

Did she know I loved her? Did someone tell her she should love herself?

Sipping coffee, in her striped cardigan, at my table.

Her fingers were thin and always moving,

She always had something to write, to tell.

Every armour of mine was stripped,

She touched me and I knew there would be history,

Like art that cannot be trapped in a museum.

She left me, in my home.

And her bed lay empty and I never waited on her.

Because I never waited for her when I met her,

So why would I when she has ripped herself apart from me in this world?

You.

.......

I read your letters, every one of them.

The last the most, because I keep searching for your goodbye,

In words, lines and different languages.

The ink fades, your voice louder than before.

My hands, trembling, wine on the floor.

Whine in the bathroom, crying in the party.

Phone in my hand, voicemail empty.

Like how you tried to leave me, in my black dress and your blue suit,

My heels, your diamonds.

Still rummaging my brain for your goodbye,

And suddenly I stopped,

To listen, and then I realized,

You never said hello to begin with.

Promises.

I never told you I'd stay, but i promised to love.
And you told me you wouldn't let go but somehow you kept your word.
So tell me how we are miles apart still,
When we used to be so close like fingertips,
Crossed fingers or trusted falls.
We were flares that didn't die down in depths to bury
The galaxies that behold the gracious tragedies.
Humans turned ghosts even when they were lying on the same bed,
And we wouldn't be.
Like water that never gets touched twice,
You heart and my tears.
And you,
Oh you of all the ones I hold so close,
Why is it so hard to say goodbyes and hi to you?


I know love is something that flows in tears and echoes in laughter,
Bridges made in families, falling and burning
Just because you went away to be okay.
This is also love,
Because we want to be tended to, fallen for,
Mundane things always got the better of our race.
Somehow we dodged bullets and endings,
We didn't even start to write our fights
So tell me how can I let go of something I dream of to make a home?
Like lanterns that stay hovering, and we keep wanting to bring them down.
Love, are you my blood or my soul?

I'm wandering and you are hurting.
I know you wanted me to be the one i used to be.
But my dreams lie far out of my comfort amd for that,
I have changed the darkness inside me.
But oh my,
The love you have poured into my forming heart,
It has always been the same.
This is a promise I have sewed into the strings of the heart I hold.
And promises won't be broken,
Even when i have been. 

Wilderness.

Let me be, let me go far away from your expectations,
only to dismantle your beliefs about me.
From accusations to assumptions that have made my eyes run red.
and comments to labels that has made me lose my breath.
Wondering where i went wrong, or where i went right to myself.
to hurt you so bad to see me change, or be indifferent
as you would not have liked me to be.
When I was thirteen and i was smiling,
with just enough laughter, not to go out of hand or your lines.
When I vandalised what you planned for me,
only to be coarse with my words.
Yet i wrote so peacefully,
so why would you change on me?

Let me break, fall apart and still trust to fall back into your arms,
you don't have to earn this,
I'm always a piece of you, even if I am not in reality.
like the morning sun i barely see,
but the moon i'll always love beyond ocean depths and hurricane heights.
So bewildered upon the choices i make and break,
my own rules and my own mistakes.
Fighting every fibre of my being to just be atleast a glimpse of your dreams,
maybe i fought way to hard on a fleeting emotion.
Clutching my thoughts so tight as to my sleep vanishing.
Nights where i realised heroes were also lonely warriors at sea,
like the ground we bury ourselves in,
we bury our hearts sometimes way too young.

The beauty still remains in these,
for you find such a love where you fight,
even when you hurt so bad.
Yet you cannot help but feel so good, less proud some days to begin with,
but always willing to give your life up for those.
The fragility of our ribs as cages we often miss,
and sometimes this is why we let our hearts break a little too much.

Home.

And i could swear over my drowning breaths,
that i saw you glance over my ice cold lips.
You, the hands that have held my warmth.
and caressed the edges just the same as my curves.
I could find faults in the spaces between our fingers,
what good would it be? I'd still talk about you as an epitome,
the one that made me laugh and shiver.
Like sea blue water that turns red,
deep inside my fathomable flesh. Cores that turned into craters,
Moulded by your feverish touch and then with love.

Home, come home to me.
where daisies and lilies are not in vases,
And all we would ever need is simple silence in between chaos.
Like the anarchist i am and the solitude you have bred in.
I'll dissolve inside myself and be a whole fragment,
another version. You and me, we would be free.
But even then we would get lost during days,
only to find comfort in the nights where would lie still.
And you would doubt the same thing as me,
or maybe it's just my assuming playing with my reality.

Whatever it may be,
we'd go places and we'd still come back to the very first four walls.
In which i became yours and you were always mine,
like our souls had finally found the empty exits,
only to travel into each others.
And maybe that's how destiny works.
For I was with you the whole time,
and I never really knew you were mine.
Crepes and rainbows, we don't go together as per the world.
and what we didn't know was that we were our own worlds.

Only this time,
we weren't worlds apart.
From here on and forever.

Ocean.

It was green, i promise it was.
But it's blue now and I'm lilac,
With a hint of your rusted gold on my blistered edges.
Blades don't cut as deep as the love you envy.
It was sin and it was heaven's home.
I'm colder than this ocean, and
You are shallow than these empty corridors.
I won't compare you and me,
We are same but I am indifferent to begin with.

Now you are yellow,
And I'm fading. Creating space in your absence.
Like those freckles in your eyes did for the art.
I'd be your muse until you have to leave this home, yet
This was more like an escape from safe shores.
Where our phasing emotions fluttered so we could survive.
Plain cold dinner left untouched,
Houses made out of compromise.
Blood that was dripping from walls.

Nightmares that were believed to be dreams,
That could've been true.
How fragile can hopes be?
How do you vandalise the love you need?
If questions are left in bathtubs
And sincerity down the drains,
Would you still clutch my brain, in thoughts that play games.
Like fleeting moments that rule me,
I'd be an utter anarchy.
Why do we strive and starve for empathy?
Isn't falling in love a metaphor?
Because I know, everything that falls breaks,
And broken pieces can shatter too. 

Velvet sins.

I've known you for less than countable,
And more than oblivious timings.
So you've got something on me because i don't usually lie in between these.
And my heart doesn't usually burn, it aches but now its different.
Somehow you cannot fathom my reasons but understand my love.
Here in between lies and lines.
Promises and faults, i guess we have found incompetence to be alive.
Like melting wax on her diamond finger.
Ethereal dreams are so beautiful to break and mend.

Love being indifferent and scars being caressed,
Sanctums and pilgrimages turned to destinations for material.
We've come a long way destroying what we hold so close even when it burns.
Can you not see how meaningful your breath is in this hurricane?
When your embrace is all i need and your velvet sins are long forgotten.

Where i lie peacefully and i do not hesitate to fall in depths and drown.
Where i know i can break for the better and the rain doesn't make me sicker.
When humans are just not mere objects,
And feelings are not words on pages.
I will fall in love with your velvet sins,
But don't expect my skin to be soft on your fingersn