Ocean.

It was green, i promise it was.
But it's blue now and I'm lilac,
With a hint of your rusted gold on my blistered edges.
Blades don't cut as deep as the love you envy.
It was sin and it was heaven's home.
I'm colder than this ocean, and
You are shallow than these empty corridors.
I won't compare you and me,
We are same but I am indifferent to begin with.

Now you are yellow,
And I'm fading. Creating space in your absence.
Like those freckles in your eyes did for the art.
I'd be your muse until you have to leave this home, yet
This was more like an escape from safe shores.
Where our phasing emotions fluttered so we could survive.
Plain cold dinner left untouched,
Houses made out of compromise.
Blood that was dripping from walls.

Nightmares that were believed to be dreams,
That could've been true.
How fragile can hopes be?
How do you vandalise the love you need?
If questions are left in bathtubs
And sincerity down the drains,
Would you still clutch my brain, in thoughts that play games.
Like fleeting moments that rule me,
I'd be an utter anarchy.
Why do we strive and starve for empathy?
Isn't falling in love a metaphor?
Because I know, everything that falls breaks,
And broken pieces can shatter too. 

Velvet sins.

I've known you for less than countable,
And more than oblivious timings.
So you've got something on me because i don't usually lie in between these.
And my heart doesn't usually burn, it aches but now its different.
Somehow you cannot fathom my reasons but understand my love.
Here in between lies and lines.
Promises and faults, i guess we have found incompetence to be alive.
Like melting wax on her diamond finger.
Ethereal dreams are so beautiful to break and mend.

Love being indifferent and scars being caressed,
Sanctums and pilgrimages turned to destinations for material.
We've come a long way destroying what we hold so close even when it burns.
Can you not see how meaningful your breath is in this hurricane?
When your embrace is all i need and your velvet sins are long forgotten.

Where i lie peacefully and i do not hesitate to fall in depths and drown.
Where i know i can break for the better and the rain doesn't make me sicker.
When humans are just not mere objects,
And feelings are not words on pages.
I will fall in love with your velvet sins,
But don't expect my skin to be soft on your fingersn

Crown.

touch my own skin, feel the indifference in these craters.
cold blooded dreams and warm nights,
diamonds in her teeth, sinking into the vulnerable mess of his kingdom.
serene death and awakening in a crown, she is the sight to behold
in these empty oceans.
sand in between her fingers, she has buried herself,
and him alive.
the stars witness her dying with every gem in her crown between his collar.
creases on her old skin because her stories are unfolding,
bullets on every wall, every withering flower looks to her soul,
why is it evergreen? is it love?

he remembers her soft hair on her cheeks,
flowing in the wind, the rain in which they soaked, smiled.
with his hands on her  curves  edges and her grin. it haunted him every lonely night like every lover does.
but it hurts so good, shallow hearts can drown too.
she vanished too soon, yet she is here in his silent dreams.
too good to be told. her crown burning his pride, his throne, her memory.
green, amber, gold, silver and then comes blue.
dark, deeper, heavier, breathing in her everlasting mystery of these unknown kingdoms.

she was kind, when things were complicated,
blood on her rusted knife, devil in her house.
cards that never saw the deal.
ironically sarcastic, satire of making one of them.
yet love them,
can love destroy more than war?
everyone's pretty , when you are losing everything,
you should see her walk in her crown.
silence is her favourite echo.
there you go, an elude from ordinary.
crowns don't only belong to queens and kings,
but warriors too.

Lover.

Mother,

I’m sorry you won’t get to see me in my red saree.

Father,

I’m sorry you won’t get to see me graduate from the prestigious college.

Sister,

I’m sorry I never told you about my thoughts.

Myself,

I’m sorry I didn’t stop when I was hurting.

Future,

I always wanted you in green.

Past,

I did not want to succumb to this part anymore.

I don’t know why, 

I. You.

I don’t know what I should I tell you.

Whether I should cry.

Speak my mind?

Or just listen with a butchered heart.

Sorry I make my words so black.

Purple is my favorite color.

I don have anything in them.

Stranger,

We have become friends now.

I’ll confide in you for today.

Family,

Please don’t think of me different.

Every thing you think of me is not me in any grail of my skin.

Home,

It’s the streets that make me happy now.

Different.

Lover, Myself

I do not know why I hurt you.

I do not know why I lied to you,

Should have walked out when they asked me to.

Should have broken my bones when they kicked me off the bed.

Cold needles,

Green paper dress,

I remember the blood on my chest.

Do you?

You said forget leave it.

You said that it’s over.

It wasn’t.

It hasn’t.

Now it will.

Should have stayed.

Should have been different.

Strangers.

take me home,

maybe i'll fall in love with it again.

maybe i'll see past myself and my drained thoughts this time,

maybe i did so before,

i'll try harder, this time, i promise.

take me to the same places we laughed in.

don't take me to the walls where i confined myself and my sorrows in.

lock the room in which you criticised my poems.

i do not want to cry anymore.

maybe something is broken in me.

my skin has never been touched.

I've pushed away the soul that loved me.

i saw myself around people that loved me,

they claimed i never loved them.

i did nothing to prove them wrong either.

i was tired.

i was tired, tired of being tired.

tired of percentages,

of words, of tears that never were seen.

of the laughter fleeting, paining.

i'm sorry,

sorry, you don't get to know what i feel.

i'm sorry.

am i?

sorry?

lights, in your fingertips.

you knew how to kill someone and shatter their body,

leave them on the floor,

and then love them than the minute before.

do you love me that way?

if this is love i do not want it.

are we together anymore?

are we happy?

my words protrude beyond sensible pain.

you do not understand me in this version.

every heart holds light and darkness.

my sins are not your needles.

being prolific of another last time.

we are not lovers.

we are strangers different.

always loved.

love,

someone you knew.

Eulogy.

Why is that I hear a scream every time you say that name?
I remember the old forsaken ways,  the empty houses with people.
I remember the old happy days being replaced with new ones that make me faint and drift away.
Oblivion and infinity intertwine in my words,
Love and hate being compared and chosen from.
Clarity over fights that never made it's way into reality.
Why did you fight?  If you only intended to end it anyway?
How come you never warned me I was going to be the fool,
How come you let this happen to me when I believed in happy endings?

And I swear, I heard my lungs collapsing,  my mouth quivering,
At the very sight of your shadow over my new life.
I don't know what to say when I see your graceful face,
I know the demonic blisters underneath your silver smooth skin.
I screamed and I remember it now,
Those voices in my head were mine and you told me it was illusions.
And now you are back to make sure I am one too.

Then I run,  I run and crash into you.
Rip you off from your infamous prestige,
The way you ripped me off of my humanity.
When the love stories seemed to burn in my tongue,
Happy endings that were torn apart from my eyes.
I was drowning in air,
Like it was salty water I had just inhaled,  back then
Or why else would I wake up with pale blue skin.
"Have some faith. " , he said.
Back then.
While his flaming eyes of ego etched my brain of a nightmare.
While I lied there draped in white,
Draped in white,  and under my skin
Blood ran cold and the casket was going in.

But you threw my world into a hurricane and watched it from the eye.
And you told me I was going to live trapped inside this feeling of never being safe.
Of eyes that will rip me more off of myself.

But now that I am saw and away,
I don't remember a help that came.
I don't remember people listening to me speak in vain.
And I remember laughter that subdued my screams.
Back then, things were never easy to be the same.
And now I am here and you are nothing more than a nightmare.
And one day I'll never have you hanging over my life again.
One day.

Imagine if this was an eulogy of a seventeen year old.
Would you cry or be her?
Would you wonder if you could have changed the world for her.

Walk away.

Walk away,
Walk away if you need to,
From the green grassy earth to the barren one.
From the home you’ve built to the one you only dreamed about .
From the sun to the moon.
Walk away if you have to.
But don’t walk upon me,
I’m not your trek road nor your trademark.
I’m not you or the one you wanted me to be.
I do not need you any longer or your validation.
You’ve used up all my grace and now you’ve got nothing on me.
Nothing chaining me to you.

I’m not your trophy nor your disposal.
My hair is not your clutch purse,
My hands no longer yours to grab.
My face never your punching bag again.
You are not my sanctum,
The ring no longer my circle.
I won’t run from you or for you.
I’ll fight, I’ll scream,I’ll raise my hand, my voice.
You’ll see the demon in my eyes,
I’m never letting it die again.
I’ll make my ground , throw away your drawers
The memories or pain won’t keep me awake.
I’ll sleep in my bed, not being afraid of shadows.

My skin will be happy, it will never be blue again.
My bedroom floor will be empty,
Not your clothes or my shattered body will lie there again.
You won’t come back.
Even if you do, you won’t see me.
There will no longer be broken mirrors,
No more torn clothes.
I’ll walk away, away from the love which wasn’t love.
I’ll walk away.
I’ll leave for a better chance.
I’ll stay alive and safe, far away in a home I wanted.
Your empty promises will be in my past.
A past I’ll never let another have.

We can walk away.
Away from the trash and torture.
We won’t run for a second,
We’ll fight every biased mind and fight every blame.
We’ll stay strong and we’ll stay safe.
Because I did, so you can do the same.
For our daughters and mothers and sisters,
For the ones who never had the chance to say a word.
Without being framed.

Let’s walk away with every broken piece and left over dignity .
With hopes that still beat feverishly.
You and me, we can fight to walk away,
We no longer have to stay.