Royals.

black and blue, faded into the sirens and the red light.
he was screaming, she was grasping for breath.
tires screech but the room is locked, and he goes at it again.
she's tired and bruised and looks for the light,
she believes this is the end of the tunnel.
but it didn't stop there to her horror.
he was crying, telling her how much he loves her.
he doesn't apologise and she is tired, she wanted to be covered in ice.
then men of power comes, they shred the last of her integrity,
questions her and makes her believe she was wrong for justice.
she goes home, scared to lie in her bed,
because he is free, and she is trapped in nightmares.

he was conscious, he was bullied and beaten up.
he didn't see his father be nice to his mother.
maybe that's what turned him so wrong.
so he grabs her by the hand,
he believes this is love in a twisted way.
he owns her body and soul.
but he doesn't know he is wrong. so he hurts again and again.
he was scared of the boys locker room.
he was scared of another persons hand on his body.
he was damaged but he was said he shouldn't show it,
it was less of a man. so he became the man he grew up seeing at his home.

these are the royals,
they've burned their sanctuary, because they grew up believing you need to burn,
to feel warm.
so they took the flames, they swallowed it all.
and the powers of those in suits and ties, shadowed their dignity,
or whatever was left of it.
and they ran, because they wanted to be alone and free.
in a bed made out of love and free of blood,
they are royals because they built their empire out of ruins.
women and men who had to run, for safety, for peace.
they are royals because they stood tall even after they fell down.
i am a royal. but i hope you never have to be one.
i hope you are safe.
let's hope you make an empire without having to run.

Safe to forget.

the flowers were lilac painted blue,

the rain was pink and the sun was red.

and we'll have conversations to write on our polaroid.

and she was as wild as you can write about,

and he was the anchor that kept her grounded.

there was love but there was happiness.

and in this world, it was a sacred thing.

it was safe to forget that what's hidden isn't gone.

it was safe, for all we know everyone wanted love before happiness.

and they found a way to melt into one another.

he knew she was meant for greatness,

but she saw the brightest fire in his eyes.

the thing about this love was that they weren't prisoners in each other,

they knew one was meant to fly while the other was meant to run.

cold as it sounds, their warmth lies in this.

she build castles from ruin, she was gold that never turned grey.

she could be so beautiful, so brave.

knowing kindness is all that she dreamed of, she saw the world once through fire,

she was safe, because she'd walk through hell for heavens to move.

she knew the devil lived in her,

he saw the truth in her as she fell,

her body eclipsed in the deep blue of the ocean.

he saw love, he could see she loved so deeply,

now the ocean lives because of her.

she was the fire, the flame, the water and even life was hers.

in the darkness she bled for the light.

she knew their was something beyond forgiveness.

so she took the pain for the happiness,

she screamed for everyone even when she had no one.

he knew he found an angel within this mundane world.

and she would be the death of him, and he will live for better.

he knew what it was to be loved the moment she held his hand.

it's safe to forget, 

she was the earth, the ocean and every thing that doesn't end.

for love is better left unexplained.

i hope this reminds me to be grateful,
when i am not myself and there's only ashes.
there's only darkness that pours out of my door,
i hope i remind myself of all the love i am made of.
of all the love that is fighting for me even when i do not deserve it.
i want to remember that i am beautiful.
that beauty is not toxic, it does not give you power.
but it gives you humility, kindness and even pain,
for hurting yourself to make something happy.

i hope one day someone reads all my letters to feel better,
i want to be a reason for someone to fall in love.
i want to be happy, but i want happiness for you as much as for me.
to be truthful hurts but to lie, it breaks.
it breaks bones, hearts, love and even trust.

you've lost your breath for someone once,
but you'll keep breathing for yourself,
for the ones at home,
when you fall in love, it shouldn't be with conditions,
it shouldn't be judged by anyone.
when you hold his hand, i hope you see a pretty smile in your face.
walk back to your home, watch your father and mother.
learn that love is different for everyone.
see them smile at your baby pictures happily,
you see love. because love is not just meant to be felt, but seen,
heard, read, loved, and what more.

paint your walls yellow so its sunrise when you wake up at night.
show some vulnerability, no one should have to have it all together every day.
and as i write in my study, i know he is still asleep at home.
poems that got me through school and life.
maybe you can be apart and still love deep.
i hope you remember, you will always be loved.
i hope i remember, i am always worthy of love.
i hope i'll know everyday that darkness is as beautiful as the flower in my nightstand.
all you have to do is love your own heart through all the storm.

i was there at 2 a.m,
when you needed to know you were loved.
i stayed till midnight to understand your reasons.
i told you i love you even when i didn't love myself.
took every hurt, every word like a bullet.
and covered my wounds with band-aids.
but every time it ripped i was on the floor.
i was a fool for thinking i could keep it all together.

for so long, I've loved myself so much because
just. just because.
your tragedy is always yours. and it's always the worst.
so is mine.
but i don't live or go back in the past,
i know it looks like that but it isn't.
i just remember things i don't want to.
you've stayed down for weeks, pushed me to a corner.
and i knew what i'll get towards the end was worth it all.
but i wish i was stronger to tell you i was hurt.

I've had way to many dark nights to see the light any different.
i'm just happy to wake up sad or happy, i'm just grateful for most days.
i know you don't like when i fall down,
but i need to break these walls and bones,
to feel like a piece of me is still worth fighting for.
because there are days i want to give up.
write a letter, leave a voicemail.
write a song for you and leave this city for a while.
but i want to come back to you at the end of everything.
so i'll stay,
i'll stay till the day i'm just someone and not the one.
because i'm scared a day like that is starting to exist.

for all the happy montages and sad songs and poems,
i'll be graciously grateful if i could be so.
and for you, i'll always thank life
but for me, i'll always make another wish.
wish to be understood without questions or reasons to hold me responsible,
just for a while my mind could be read without my mouth
i'll wish for myself to not be thought as to still go back to my past.
because i love myself and too much to lose it all on the things that gives me nightmares.
your tragedies are yours in your own way.
mine is just mine in a different way.
people are broken in different ways.
always remember,
if i could have ever been happy it was always with you and me.

shattered, loved, some new cities live in my coffee.
I've got unmade bed and love stories that reach an end in five pages.
It's 2015,
my first butterfly. My first reality.
Boy, I wish I knew you differently then.
you leave in a month. I've got two years of misunderstood feelings.
you leave tonight , oops. Stay?
It's 1:30 a.m , I'm tucked in and you blare my phone up.
Is this serendipity? Cause honey, I haven't told you yet.
But you could be the one to calm my storms.
You saw me past midnight,
I buried myself like my collar bones.

Oh, our love could go deeper.
you mean life with your name.
you haven't heard from me in a year, I've always loved to keep you swept off of your feet.
Two texts and a week later,
love stories that crumble always started in such a haste.
we guessed ours was different.
I loved your hands on my hair.
was it different?
"Make  try me."
you were cautious around me. you were you around me.
you called me beautiful once,
but i lit up more when you called me unique.

you read my lines and you saw pure glow.
you knew me more now,
you know I'm more than I show.
I knew you were here for the picture,
with fights and ugly bits as much as the pretty pink days.
grow with me, I'll show we are more than the worlds inside us.
I'll talk with you to the moon, and we can be high when the morning refines us.
though we'll be sober,
maybe our worlds beneath will know,
our love was to stay.

Sugar nights.

It's sweet, you are worried when I leave home,
It's 8 at night, it's colder in your bones.
You think you'll find my SOS soon.
It's genuine, your love your care.
It's hard to see me walk out, you stay put.
Our world has gone stir crazy,
Girls stay home scared, boys walk as our shelter.
And they are scared too.
I raise my voice, you pray I'm not noticed.
You want me alive.
It's sweet like sugar, but dark as the ocean near its bed.
You don't want me on papers.
You don't want me below six feet.


Clouds, stars, you count seconds like minutes.
Are you hurt or scared?
I'm almost home, you're almost alive.
It's funny how our world keeps us beating down every emotion.
Will you love me most?
I miss watching sunstes by the mountain.
I miss walking out for a fresh breeze when the times get rough.
For all those birds i don't see anymore,
I dont want walls, i want picket fences.

But who am i to ask for anything?
My freedoms been reduced to criterias on a paper.
I wonder when I'll be able to see my family, or my friend her's.
Whether she prays for their long life or life atleast.
It's scary as the nights, bittersweet dreams.
My world is no longer mine.
I'll find a new home,
What about the other million then?
I miss the suagr nights. 

Burn.

Should we break a wall,
Bruise our souls and walk through fire to be loved differently than last time.
Why do i see you different at heart but hurt the same?
Do you love yourself or are you searching for that within me?
I've seen your heart and you deserve heaven,
I've seen your eyes and you deserve peace.
Look at me and tell me you believe the same for me.
Because you told me you love me to let me feel safe, safer.
Its beautiful when we hold each other,
Its tough to be apart.
And you seem to forget that I'm not going anywhere.
But i like you scared of losing me.
Then why are you losing me now?
There was never a story in any books that taught us how to strive through hard times.
I'd burn this whole house down tonight.
And I'd leave with you and be alone in days i dont want to.
But if it's love that we need,
We've got to bruise a little out of love.
Its in our hands to choose,
To be hurt for love or because of love.