He doesn't say i love you until I do,
and it breaks everything in me, to hold myself under the shower.
I stay there feeling like this is every kind of love.
I see how my father laughs with my mother,
but he doesn't cry with her when she hurts.
All the memories in which he says it's his wish,
where she has tied herself to his life has somehow lost its value.
For I somehow believed this is what every sacrifice turns into.
He knew what it means to hurt so I believed him when he told me,
I hurt him. I've broken him.
And somehow all the hurt, the bruises, the nights I clutched my pillow
and cried into silence without making the smallest of echoes,
I forgot everything, the days he didn't treat me well.
I gave it all up to fix what is us.
While I still lie wide awake till I can sleep without bloodshot eyes,
as I break all that I am and all I am left.
I see my mother and my father, loved by one another
yet she deserves to be heard more,
Here I am, believing I'm safer if I am alone.
My wounds bleed into his scars,
We used to be so beautiful.
But I am nothing more than an enigma to you now.
I drifted away, with all the sadness I pushed beneath my skin.
You knew me before I broke.
I've lost you. But I'm still fighting while you wait.
I never believed you'd hurt me or leave me.
Here I am, I've seen how my home has turned into what it is now.
The walls know more about us than we do about each other.
How can I build something with you while where I am from
keeps crumbling down into ruins slowly.
Everything I grew up in, I've outgrown them all.
I need you to stay,
but then I hear your voice and I feel like all the love is drained from it.
And I've always been the one to fix others,
when I need help myself. I believed I'm not broken.
I was scared of all the feelings that I buried,
Here I am.
I'm just a part of me. And I'll not let you make me feel responsible for needing time.
For feeling like I need myself more than ever.
I am my mother's daughter.
And she has always had strength even when she was alone.
Finally, I get her and she will get me.
And if your love is as true as you say,
I'll find my back to us, one day.
