i hope this reminds me to be grateful,
when i am not myself and there's only ashes.
there's only darkness that pours out of my door,
i hope i remind myself of all the love i am made of.
of all the love that is fighting for me even when i do not deserve it.
i want to remember that i am beautiful.
that beauty is not toxic, it does not give you power.
but it gives you humility, kindness and even pain,
for hurting yourself to make something happy.

i hope one day someone reads all my letters to feel better,
i want to be a reason for someone to fall in love.
i want to be happy, but i want happiness for you as much as for me.
to be truthful hurts but to lie, it breaks.
it breaks bones, hearts, love and even trust.

you've lost your breath for someone once,
but you'll keep breathing for yourself,
for the ones at home,
when you fall in love, it shouldn't be with conditions,
it shouldn't be judged by anyone.
when you hold his hand, i hope you see a pretty smile in your face.
walk back to your home, watch your father and mother.
learn that love is different for everyone.
see them smile at your baby pictures happily,
you see love. because love is not just meant to be felt, but seen,
heard, read, loved, and what more.

paint your walls yellow so its sunrise when you wake up at night.
show some vulnerability, no one should have to have it all together every day.
and as i write in my study, i know he is still asleep at home.
poems that got me through school and life.
maybe you can be apart and still love deep.
i hope you remember, you will always be loved.
i hope i remember, i am always worthy of love.
i hope i'll know everyday that darkness is as beautiful as the flower in my nightstand.
all you have to do is love your own heart through all the storm.

i was there at 2 a.m,
when you needed to know you were loved.
i stayed till midnight to understand your reasons.
i told you i love you even when i didn't love myself.
took every hurt, every word like a bullet.
and covered my wounds with band-aids.
but every time it ripped i was on the floor.
i was a fool for thinking i could keep it all together.

for so long, I've loved myself so much because
just. just because.
your tragedy is always yours. and it's always the worst.
so is mine.
but i don't live or go back in the past,
i know it looks like that but it isn't.
i just remember things i don't want to.
you've stayed down for weeks, pushed me to a corner.
and i knew what i'll get towards the end was worth it all.
but i wish i was stronger to tell you i was hurt.

I've had way to many dark nights to see the light any different.
i'm just happy to wake up sad or happy, i'm just grateful for most days.
i know you don't like when i fall down,
but i need to break these walls and bones,
to feel like a piece of me is still worth fighting for.
because there are days i want to give up.
write a letter, leave a voicemail.
write a song for you and leave this city for a while.
but i want to come back to you at the end of everything.
so i'll stay,
i'll stay till the day i'm just someone and not the one.
because i'm scared a day like that is starting to exist.

for all the happy montages and sad songs and poems,
i'll be graciously grateful if i could be so.
and for you, i'll always thank life
but for me, i'll always make another wish.
wish to be understood without questions or reasons to hold me responsible,
just for a while my mind could be read without my mouth
i'll wish for myself to not be thought as to still go back to my past.
because i love myself and too much to lose it all on the things that gives me nightmares.
your tragedies are yours in your own way.
mine is just mine in a different way.
people are broken in different ways.
always remember,
if i could have ever been happy it was always with you and me.