shattered, loved, some new cities live in my coffee.
I've got unmade bed and love stories that reach an end in five pages.
It's 2015,
my first butterfly. My first reality.
Boy, I wish I knew you differently then.
you leave in a month. I've got two years of misunderstood feelings.
you leave tonight , oops. Stay?
It's 1:30 a.m , I'm tucked in and you blare my phone up.
Is this serendipity? Cause honey, I haven't told you yet.
But you could be the one to calm my storms.
You saw me past midnight,
I buried myself like my collar bones.

Oh, our love could go deeper.
you mean life with your name.
you haven't heard from me in a year, I've always loved to keep you swept off of your feet.
Two texts and a week later,
love stories that crumble always started in such a haste.
we guessed ours was different.
I loved your hands on my hair.
was it different?
"Make  try me."
you were cautious around me. you were you around me.
you called me beautiful once,
but i lit up more when you called me unique.

you read my lines and you saw pure glow.
you knew me more now,
you know I'm more than I show.
I knew you were here for the picture,
with fights and ugly bits as much as the pretty pink days.
grow with me, I'll show we are more than the worlds inside us.
I'll talk with you to the moon, and we can be high when the morning refines us.
though we'll be sober,
maybe our worlds beneath will know,
our love was to stay.

Sugar nights.

It's sweet, you are worried when I leave home,
It's 8 at night, it's colder in your bones.
You think you'll find my SOS soon.
It's genuine, your love your care.
It's hard to see me walk out, you stay put.
Our world has gone stir crazy,
Girls stay home scared, boys walk as our shelter.
And they are scared too.
I raise my voice, you pray I'm not noticed.
You want me alive.
It's sweet like sugar, but dark as the ocean near its bed.
You don't want me on papers.
You don't want me below six feet.


Clouds, stars, you count seconds like minutes.
Are you hurt or scared?
I'm almost home, you're almost alive.
It's funny how our world keeps us beating down every emotion.
Will you love me most?
I miss watching sunstes by the mountain.
I miss walking out for a fresh breeze when the times get rough.
For all those birds i don't see anymore,
I dont want walls, i want picket fences.

But who am i to ask for anything?
My freedoms been reduced to criterias on a paper.
I wonder when I'll be able to see my family, or my friend her's.
Whether she prays for their long life or life atleast.
It's scary as the nights, bittersweet dreams.
My world is no longer mine.
I'll find a new home,
What about the other million then?
I miss the suagr nights. 

Burn.

Should we break a wall,
Bruise our souls and walk through fire to be loved differently than last time.
Why do i see you different at heart but hurt the same?
Do you love yourself or are you searching for that within me?
I've seen your heart and you deserve heaven,
I've seen your eyes and you deserve peace.
Look at me and tell me you believe the same for me.
Because you told me you love me to let me feel safe, safer.
Its beautiful when we hold each other,
Its tough to be apart.
And you seem to forget that I'm not going anywhere.
But i like you scared of losing me.
Then why are you losing me now?
There was never a story in any books that taught us how to strive through hard times.
I'd burn this whole house down tonight.
And I'd leave with you and be alone in days i dont want to.
But if it's love that we need,
We've got to bruise a little out of love.
Its in our hands to choose,
To be hurt for love or because of love.

Ripped.

And I want to know what drink makes you happy,

How many pills you need to forget my name.

Or what song makes you want to love me,

Just to let go of it tomorrow.

Tonight we are ripped off of our luxuries,

We’re left sober and we don’t know why we are high.

Skipped breakfast to feel a little more alive,

Until we hurt our ribs as they tear our flesh apart.

It’s anorexic when we show our bones, shine through this skin,

But dramatic when we show feelings?

Darling, be real.

If you are ripped, you are a masterpiece on the run,

Ironically beautiful at the broken places, stronger than the stitches.

That little girl in the bathroom sink,

With bloodshot eyes and a frail smile.

Like constellations made mundane, how she was brave enough to be quiet.

Just to not hurt the ones she loves the most,

Like an undone story. Love, love her.

Love me. Like her fine hair,

All tangled and falling on her shoulder. Blinding the sun from her eyes.

Did she know I loved her? Did someone tell her she should love herself?

Sipping coffee, in her striped cardigan, at my table.

Her fingers were thin and always moving,

She always had something to write, to tell.

Every armour of mine was stripped,

She touched me and I knew there would be history,

Like art that cannot be trapped in a museum.

She left me, in my home.

And her bed lay empty and I never waited on her.

Because I never waited for her when I met her,

So why would I when she has ripped herself apart from me in this world?

You.

.......

I read your letters, every one of them.

The last the most, because I keep searching for your goodbye,

In words, lines and different languages.

The ink fades, your voice louder than before.

My hands, trembling, wine on the floor.

Whine in the bathroom, crying in the party.

Phone in my hand, voicemail empty.

Like how you tried to leave me, in my black dress and your blue suit,

My heels, your diamonds.

Still rummaging my brain for your goodbye,

And suddenly I stopped,

To listen, and then I realized,

You never said hello to begin with.