Memory.

If there is a memory of me in your wired heart,

how you played the game but never got out.

In confessions of all your sins,

I am always your golden ticket to heaven.

You tell me you see peace in my words, in my love,

there's a devil in my hurt.

As beautifully cold as the heavens that made me.

Yet fire is my favourite.

You walk up to me like you could ever catch me falling.

Memory of me. One,

the one that makes you run for the hills in search of oceans.

One that makes you feel alive and want more.

Well aware of all the love in my heart,

and walls as high as sky around it. Run to me.

I keep getting bruised and I keep laughing.

Crash into my waves and dive with me

to see all the blue and black and whatever you threw out the window.

All the demons that you bury

I want to be a memory you live everyday.

Like I live in happy places

How I remember you.

I'm one for the road and one for the house on top of the cavalry.

Never the one for routines, rules or runaways.

Amber fire and knee deep into arguments.

I'm staying past the midnights, I don't want to miss the sunrise on your face.

I might be the end of you, you might be mine.

And memories of us will be told in books without our names.

The love will always be the same.

How you always held onto one memory of me.

How I never bothered to overthink about the pain 

but everything else.

Funny, memories or memory

we always go back to the one.

The one that make us feel alive. The one that makes you run for the hills

and me for the oceans.

We still end up in the middle together.

Funny and maybe a little ironic if you know us.

Memory that fades memories.

Hiraeth.

I remember saying 'I love you',

always the first to say.

Even when angry. Now I wonder where the love has gone.

He keeps score,

that's how it feels. Information for information.

So all the nights spent worrying his heart is still warm,

makes me cold. 

[Cripple me] with love and with embrace.

Like a never-ending tale,

glass cut and paper hearts.

I want to hear you say 'I love you'

even if you don't mean it.

Say it before I do.

I want to know everything. Not when your purpose is served.

Battling demons in my rib cage,

so you wouldn't have to.

This should not be a losing game,

I am slipping through your bliss

[falling] breaking crashing through space and time 

over and over again.

I've taken the love with the hurt.

I know I've been loved more.

That that kind of love exists within you.

How does it feel to be left in the dark

and thrown into the light with every fleeting memory?

With every promise as easy as breathing.

I remember five years ago, the love you promised me.

The woman I've come to be.

Love that has learned to grow.

Roots that gave me wings.

When will the comfort be more than discomfort for us?

How long before I stay and see no love in your eyes?

I want to know when the light is more than darkness,

will I still be the one you'll want?

Love is not meant to be easy.

But it is also not meant to be weighed, or stripped with convenience.

I'm in love with flowers that wither,

as fragile as love can be,

as real as it should be. Can you promise me that?

Promise that there won't be scores

or conveniences that hide what needs to be known.

I want there to be love that's worth the pain and struggle,

till I wither away and my memories are poems 

in our wrinkled skin.

Promise me you won't make me homesick for a home in our memories alone.

That our home will be worth every fight.

 

Lovely.

Everything seems good, 

and I mean everything around me.

But somewhere inside, six feet down my heart

I feel like it's hurting. Constantly breaking 

[falling apart] and mending itself.

Something that seemed to make the hurting worse.

And I'm always smiling, always laughing

trying to be sunshine that everyone needs.

My words don't seem to resonate.

Clutched into an entirety of feeling somewhere in between the emotions.

Like I shouldn't have hoped for a best friend in her.

Or sabotaged the only love that seemed beautiful to me.

All along these walks,

collecting flowers, twirling in the rain

Ended up being the keeper of happiness for someone else 

for days that never treated her well.

Words that were never meant to hurt,

Love that wasn't supposed to leave you broken some nights.

Feeling like walking away for now would fix you.

No matter the stories you read,

or words that would mean anything less.

The girl who loved too soon [too easily]

The one who calls people beautiful,

something about that word fascinated me.

And I was wrong.

The one to always apologize, 

the one who feels too deep.

The one who cries instantly [vulnerability]

Tomorrow I'll wake up smiling

I'll still go through it all.

I know something in me hurts, and I'll still love despite it.

I'll give everyone my everything,

even if I'm never to be understood for myself.

And I'll probably never be able to tell them what's broken hurting inside,

but I'll do it for myself.

I'm worth the love I hold.

I'm not ripped of happiness,

just too hurt to know it's surrounding me at days.

This might not be the words that shine rainbows and smiles,

but this is something real.

And that's lovely.